Relenting: Top 5 Reasons Beer is Better Than Coffee
The finals are graded and I find myself consuming fewer caffeinated stimulants and in great need of genuine relaxation. Last week, I wrote on the advantages coffee has over beer, but after both of my readers basically called me out for being a charlatan, I’ve had a slight change of heart. Without further ado…
- The Catholic historicity of beer is undeniable – Sure, Wikipedia says that beer was probably first prepared in 9,500 BC, but who trusts anything on Wikipedia, anyway? Besides, Aquinas said that where truth is, there is the Holy Spirit and if beer isn’t truth, I don’t know what is. Unquote.
- Even terrible beer tastes better a few mugs in – The headwaiter in John 2 was right to be perplexed. You can down two pints (disclosure: this is still within moderation for those of us 6’5″ and 220lbs) of Bass or Harp and love every drop. The last of two pints of econo-beer would certainly not be as bad as the first. After a liter of coffee, you’ll feel so dirty you’d feel like you need a cigarette to clean out your pores.
- Beer is more affordable than coffee – Starbucks charges $4.25 for a 12oz burnt cup of coffee, which comes out to $.35/oz ($45.33/gallon). During our later college years, Matt and I visited the Flying Saucer in Dallas which had $1.50 pitchers of Shiner Bock. From what I remember, a pitcher is about 60 ounces; I’m pretty sure I was paying less than $.03/ounce.
- You can’t eat traditional American food with coffee – “Uh, yeah, I’ll have the cheeseburger with pulled-pork and sauce on top with large mochachino latte with skim milk (I’m on a diet).” Honestly, there’s not much that could go better with a burger or hot dog (or brat, if that’s how you roll) while the kiddos run around the yard, jets from the airshow flying overhead – Ahhhhh, America.
- They make hymns out of drinking songs – C’mon. Don’t tell me that when you hear “Let There Be Peace on Earth” you don’t think of a bar full of sailors swaying and pounding their mugs.
“…and let it begin with me! SLAM SLAM SLAM! Let there be peace…”
There was some song in the ’70s that talked about everything having a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven (I think I read that somewhere…); I do recognize that each beverage has its proper place in the realm of enjoyment. The pleasure of coffee, however, is too easily tarnished by a need for it as a utility. Many-a-morning I trudge into work, knowing that I could really enjoy my coffee if I didn’t need it so darn much. In the other fist, it might be said that enjoyment of beer is in its very nature and that we should recognize it for the greater good that it is.