10 Signs You’re a Scripture Teacher

10 Signs You’re a Scripture Teacher

You might be a scripture teacher if…your heart is racing at the thought of this Bible in your sacred space.

After leaving parish youth ministry, I started out teaching Church History and Christian Social Doctrine (actually, there was a brief stint as a middle school science teacher; still waiting for a therapy breakthrough on that one). After a couple years, I switched to Sacred Scripture, which is WAY more fun (sorry, medievalists, I prefer early antiquity). Here are a few signs you might also be a scripture teacher:

  1. When your kids tell you they want to take up kite-flying, you joke back, “As long as you don’t eat the kites” (Leviticus 11:13-14).
  2. You take flirting tips from the Song of Songs playbook (Song of Songs 7) and your wife slaps you with her myrrh-scented hand (5:5).

    …or maybe you find this picture a little revealing.

  3. You seriously regale your students with stories of the time you saw unicorns on African safari.
  4. You start to refer to your wife in prayer as “that woman you put here with me” (Genesis 3:12).
  5. You’re not sure why, but politicians always somehow remind you of the animal in the story of Balaam (Numbers 22:28).
  6. Whenever you see two of your students holding hands, you take the boy aside and tell him to meditate on Sirach 25:13-15.
  7. Your kids hate going to the beach with you because you always use their sand castles as “teachable moments” (Matthew 7:24-29).
  8. You get a haughty, little chuckle out of your kindergarteners’ class goals for the year to memorize the Our Father (Matthew 6:9-13) and the Hail Mary (Luke 1:28, 42) because your kids have already been saying those prayers by heart for years.
  9. You feel a strong compulsion to correct people when they mention Adam’s apple (Genesis 3:1-7) or the Three Wise Men (Matthew 2:1-12)
  10. You fully endorse Brandon Vogt’s #FreeTheWord movement and have signed the petition.